Day 8 in the Semester of Living Biblically

I've never read the King James version of the Bible before and, I must say, although it's very pretty, it's also so strange. I was raised in the Catholic tradition, but my mother's side of the family is Jewish. So, this KJV business is just way different. Also, when I read dialogue, I imagine the characters as having British, Scottish, and Irish accents because of all the ye's and thou's. For example, I imagine the serpent sounds like William Wallace as a child in Braveheart. Adam sounds like the adult William Wallace, played by Mel Gibson, of course. I'm not quite sure who Eve sounds like, but Cain and Abel both sounds like Hamish, the enormous Scottish ginger (also in Braveheart). God (I'm really bothered by the constant LORD titling), I'm sure, sounds like Gabriel Byrne, who voiced Scar in the Lion King. Noah strikes me as very no-nonsense and would, therefore, sound like Sir Patrick Stewart; his sons, Shep, Ham, and Japheth (is it pronounced Jap-heth or Jay-feth?), sound like the Beatles. I suspect they had lovely singing voices. Abraham kind of deviates from from my British Isles accent scheme in that his voice resembles Barry White's. I feel like there was a considerable amount of pillow talk exchanged between Abraham and Sarah, who sounds like Professor McGonagal from Harry Potter or Kiera Knightly, both of whom have somewhat shrill voices. When I started reading about the Hagar situation, I felt like she would sound Demi Moore. I want Hagar to have a husky, more sexy voice. I imagine her as a sexy lady. Isaac would sound like Jason Isaacs, who was the bad guy in The Patriot and Lucius Malfoy in the film adaptations of Harry Potter. Jason Isaacs is particularly hot because he's British AND Jewish and Jewish guys are a specific kind of hot so now I have this weird crush on Isaac because I associate him with Jason Isaacs.

All of this because of the change in dialogue.