After a bout with conjuntivitis...

I am back. I may not have been in class, but I have been reading. So far, I'm nearly through with Joshua. My strategy involves reading a few chapters, then consulting Plotz (who I'm now friends with on Facebook, btw). For the bits and pieces that are harder to digest, Plotz makes things a mite easier and a bit more humorous. Anyhoo, I'd like to take some time to reflect on Exodus.

So, my grandparents are secular Jews. When I was young, they would drink lots of Manischewitz at Passover (Grammy Hannah getting wine drunk is a story for another time) and force feed the little bubelahs matzah and we would all watch The Ten Commandments. Grammy had a thing for Charleton Heston, I think. Anyway, when we discussed Exodus and The Ten Commandments Tuesday, I remembered thinking, "Well, this isn't like the movie..." while actually reading Exodus. Plotz thought the same thing, too. Where was the Ben-Hur-esque chariot race? Why weren't Moses and Ramesses palling around? How come people weren't singing like in The Prince of Egypt (one of my favorite Val Kilmer films, I might add).

One of my first celebrity crushes actually involved the actor who played Joshua in The Ten Commandments, John Derek (seen at right, with Lilia). The scene that sticks out most in my mind from the film was when he was tied to a post and whipped. He also happened to be shirtless and ripped.Of course, he was being whipped because of his love for Lilia, the beautiful Hebrew woman who became property of Baka, the master builder of Egypt, ostensibly as a love slave. When Baka is killed by Moses, Dathan (another Hebrew) takes his place and becomes Lilia's master. Joshua is sent to the copper mines in order to save Lilia's life, but at the end, they end up together after all the plagues and crossing the Red Sea and so on. The kicker? None of it's in Exodus! I was reading and reading and waiting and reading, but it never came up. Sure, Joshua's a real character and took over after Moishe croaked then led the conquest of Canaan, but what about Lilia? I couldn't find her, nor could I figure out if Joshua ever got married. According to legend, Joshua married Rahab, a prostitute from Jericho who was committed to Jehovah and helped Hebrew spies take the city. But in Matthew's genealogy of Jesus, she marries Salmon of Judah and is the mother of Boaz, who marries Ruth of Book of Ruth fame. Same Rahab? Maybe, maybe not. But there's no beautiful love slave named Lilia. So, why all the lies, Mr. DeMille?

Anyway, now I'm craving matzah. Perhaps I'll bring some to class Thursday to share with people! Also, here's a little gem for your viewing pleasure; a young Adam Lambert in The Ten Commandments: A Musical as none other than Joshua: The Ten Commandments: A Musical